"Ten! Ten! Ten!" Infant chicano words describing my excitement at the passing train visible thru our living room window. The last of six. El bebé de la casa Mirando por la ventana siendo observado a travez del tiempo mediante las memorias.
I pick me up, hold me, hug me. And I say to me: "Little friend, don't worry. Life will be OK. Life is OK. Sure some things will scare you. The cameraman with that complex contraption that flashed a bit of your trust away. Oh yeah, and the dreams of monstruous, grotesque creatures which destroy and rip ... as I later realized -- destroyed & ripped mi dulce hogar. Unstoppable. Gigantic. Nothing I can do."
Nothing I could do. What could I do about my brothers & sisters? Gustavo's soul fragmenting in Vietnam. Louie "drowning" at eighteen. Gloria getting pregnant at 15. What could I do about the paradox of a loving father that followed Javier Solís, Jorge Negrete, and Pedro Infante's examples of ~ how ~ to ~ deal ~ with ~ problems. Then turning into Mantequilla Napoles with mamá as the object of his glorious ring moments.
Nothing I could do.
"But don't worry, ¶You faced it all You stood tall, and did it your way¶
Besides, most of humanity has beauty, and caring, and love. The caring strangers who did kind deeds to my hearth, my home. Those I remember. The others I ignored. Don't remember. No need. No value. People are good. That is your strength. Forgive & forget. See the good.
You'll see the love. De mis amigos mexicanos. OK. Perhaps, technically, not love. Pero, simplemente, su amistad. Amistad Mexica. Que no existe in this place with no past. The sense of neighborhood and compa's. "Ey! Tú! Pinchi cabrón! ¿Cuándo vamos a ir a encontrarnos unas mamacitas?" "--Pos órale, Orita! Nomás le dejo este mandado a mi abuelita! "
You'll see the love de mamá. Que dió todo lo que pudo. In spite of the violence. In spite of being on her own with six. In spite of the life-sucking cannery. She gave all she could.
Believe me everything is going to be OK."
I told myself the short version of what life would be like. So all along I knew, and faced things as they came and love life as only we mexica can.
[ Nacho and Beto are watching ] ¡Ándale Mexicano! ¡Órale Chicano! Let's go ese! Let's be - beyond our dreams! Let's be - beyond their dreams! Let's be - beyond our children's dreams. Your woman - as a partner, a friend. Your children, allowed to be children - not knowing the brutalities of your childhood, - helping them be independent and wise. ¡Hombre! Work with all you've got and make everything around you better.
¡Hombre! Work within ANY imperfect system or society and learn the joy of life and living. What's important, amigo, is to know which battles to fight, which useless wars to avoid, what simple things to love, what important things to give, to distinguish the only color we all must become - the emerald green glow of love.
[ "Poem" continues as Nacho & Beto are conversing ]
Nacho: So watchu say man, you goin? Beto: Shhh! I'm trying to listen to ...
Nacho: It's a bunch a bull, ese! Who is this preacher man. Trying to tell us who we should be. It's not even a poem. It's a damn speech! Beto: Nacho ... I don't think I'm going ese. Nacho: Look Beto, we made a deal. I would get Chucho "El Roto" from the east side, "El Loco" Valdez from the "Puñetas" gang, and my cousin Pancho Pantera, and you would go.
All we're gonna do is ride in to east L.A., shoot the vato in the head twice, and we're back tonight. Beto: It's just that, well, Monday I start going to college, and ... Nacho: What for ese! So you can then work under the white man's thumb?! Beto: No Nacho. I want to start my own business, and create jobs for our people, and others in our same socio-economic status ... Nacho: [ Said as he looks at the writer of this short play ] Wait, wait, wait! Paul ... PAUL! [ Paul breaks away from speech ] This is too much! It really IS too preachy. I don't think the poem, slash, short drama is working as you intended. Paul: Bob! [talking to Nacho ] Your deflating the intended effect of Beto's and Nacho's words. Please, get back in character, we can talk about this later.
Nacho: ¡Me lleva la chingada! Beto! Are you going with us or not! Beto: No ese. Nacho: [ mouths warnings to Beto as he is leaving. ]. Paul: Without truly knowing you Mexicano, Mexican-American, Chicano, Without even truly knowing myself, a Mexican-American, I have to opine that we can, we should, we must rise up beyond our self imposed boundaries.
WE ... are the ones that allow these boundaries to surround and suffocate us. WE allow them to exist as a force that detracts us of our will... of "Cuali Ohtli" ...words from the past, aztec words. "Cuali Ohtli" means "camino recto", the "true path". It is up to us Mexicano, Mexican-American, Chicano, to correct the past
Mexicano, mexican-american, Chicano -- stand up, and be counted!!